Good night Wesley. Sleep well.

I feel about 2 inches tall, when I’m standing next to you pretending I’m a normal human being with my heart on a wire just waiting to fall. No net to guard the damned thing (it's easier just to throw it off the top floor and get it over with).

See us shy girls like to observe. Look past the way you present your outer exterior, unfortunately for me I often look past those fucking walls. I don’t think its so much as ignorance, maybe more along the lines of my own proverbial blindfold (yeah I like the sound of that). No sense in accusing me of being moronic I will realize the detail of all this when everything is said and done, much like the ending of a great fable.

( an lj cut survey cus i know they're god awful annoying, but oh so fun to take... )

i think its family guy time.

god i need a drink...

its been soo frickin long since i got piss ass drunk..i'm thinking thats far to long.

what'd i get?

An acoustic guitar, case, amp, dvd lessons, electric tuner(esteban tv package deal)
Hershey's Smore Maker
Family Guy Vol. 1 & 2
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
2 shirts
several pair of cute socks
pajamas
lil' candies
candles
pillow
necklace
dvd rack
lamp w/ picture frames
$100 for bday
link bracelet
Franz Ferdinand CD
Wallflowers CD
Old Godsmack CD
Everclear CD

i think i lucked out pretty damn good.

just a survey...i cut it cus its just the sum up of my year...and i'm a big loser.( Read more... )


i'm sooooo cold right now. thanks to you ALL who wished me a happy birthday. it ment so much...yes. my birthday was awesome. i spent it with the people that mean the most to me, and i would never want it any other way. my family, my friends....you mean the world to me. without you...i am nothing.

merry christmas everyone. hope santa is good to ya :0)

its my bday...so far so good :0)

for those of you wondering who's behind this silly journal.


i actually was so bored that i finally figured out how to post pictures all on my own. aren't you proud of me?

cereal makes me sick. but its oooo so good...and all we have to eat.

i met a jordan lastnight. he's neat.

Tonight my kingdom known worldwide as The Rutabegas(yes...purposefully spelled that way ya jerks) was victorious against Lindsey's army The Tangerines(not purposefully spelled that way) in a very long game of War. Not a cool war game, no. It was the lame-oh card game. We seriously played straight up for a whole hour and made everyone at Rocketstar jelious I'm sure.

In other news the Rutabegas then lost to Lindsey's Wheelchair clan. It was sad. But hey, those little buggers put in a great fight.

Wow. I really am sure I sound like a complete retard, but, believe you me...I am not. I just go through phases. I really have nothing much of importance to write about. Its back to work tomorrow. Wow I am so not looking forward to that crap.

Is it just me, or are the actors on shows that are broadcast on The Dinsey channel, selling out like crazy? I flipped to that channel the other day(mainly because its one of the only channels i get besides the shopping networks and mtv) and its like, every single actor/actress(mainly actress) has a music video out. Its like they're all following the path of those twins...the olsen twins. yeah. I mean its so frickin' stupid.(my vocabulary isn't working today) Now all of the little 12 year olds out there...such as my cousin britney, are flaunting themselves. AS IF THEY HAVE ANYTHING TO FLAUNT!

Anyways, currently the greatest cd for me to sing along to in the car is The Spill Canvas. So much freakin' fun and if you happen to drive by me when i'm singing to one of their songs...dont point and laugh because i'm sure i'm too busy off in my own world to notice anyways. so, its a waste for you.

Hmm. Today was super. i got to meet up with scott...a very super cool person.

speaking of spill canvas i'm listening to them now..and i can't concentrate on this stupid entry that is just getting more stupider by the minute.

i have 69 hugs, i win. clearly.

uhm. i wrapped presents lastnight and watched harry potter. are you jelious? you should be. i need to buy a new cd. you should suggest a really neat one for me. ready? go.

I went out and got my nose pierced today. How special. This was the spark that re-lit the obsession of enflicting pain in the form of perdies. Wow that sentence was a weird one.

Now I'm finding it hard to compete with the complexity and all around awesomeness of that last sentence.


The End.

the day after thanksgiving is the devil and i realize that in hell...i will permanently have to spend the rest of my exsistance working in a store with door buster sales.

and thats when i pull out my gun...and shoot them all. who says you can't shoot people in hell? yes...even the cute ladies wearing the christmas hats. especially the crying kids and grumpy old people. i'd take their carts, with all their sale items and burn them. yes...thats what i would do. bitter? naw...just not looking forward to waking up and starting it all over again....hah.

and its a repeat tomorrow. ugh..i need to sleep.

eww. i have to leave for work in like 5 minutes. now this is normal but i'm so not looking forward to it because i wont get out until after 11pm. that blows...plus being retail it blows even more. however, there are a few places that are hirring for office...so yeah. blah.

i wish i could wake up...feels like i've been sleeping forever.

Today was crazy like whoa. I spent the majority of it awake actually. Which in itself is amazing right? Went out with Lyndtothez and dropped off..filled out many applications...along with my swanky resume. My ultimate goal would be to get a easy desk job in an office somewhere that would work around school..but thats highly unlikely. Ah well.

So overall things are pretty well with me. I'm content I guess. As much as I can be. A lot has happened to me personally and most of it is due to this past weekend. But they are all good things. I've come to terms with a lot that has been bothering me for oh...lets say a year. Closure to one main issue. But with closure comes a lot of relief from me. I am still very happy and fortunate for the way everything has turned out...life is odd, and unpredictable...i just have to have faith that everything is happening for a reason.

For some strange reason...I smell red Kool-aid...hmm, which makes me want gummi bears, and i have some!! I had intended for this post to be a more meaningful one...but in the very tired state that I am in...its becomming less and less interest to me. Maybe tomorrow?

i had a dream about this machine in my back yard...that grinds up people...the moaning of the people in line was terrible. i am a little disturbed by this dream.

what is it with me and my dreams?

off to bed i go.


new pinback cd is amazing. this makes me happy like nothing else.

you never cease to amaze me. i love you....always.

what do you think about when you think of heaven? does a heaven exsist to you? sometimes i think heaven is just the most happiest moment in your life..and you spend all your after life there. only time means nothing, almost like a dream you don't want to wake up from...there is no begining or end to anything.

i got sick this morning. no good. my stomach is still kind of yucky.

tomorrow those missouri boys are comming up to visit. this makes me happy. its been a very long year since i've seen them. it'll be super great fun, though i'm not sure what we're going to do...kzoo kids should help me out.

i feel weird...not phsyically...just mentally. i don't know how to describe it. i'm not sure if its a good or bad thing. dontcha just hate that?

The cold air began to burn inside her lungs like poison,
but the thought never stopped her from running.

hmm i'm in a bit of a mood to write...i like that phrase...yum.

i'm cold, bitting my nails...and cold.

I'm so afraid to love you.
So petrified to hand you my breakable heart
I hope to God your clumsy hands
will steady.

i wrote that over a year ago and i just came across it in my written journal. its so true. not that i'm in love with anyone right now. well...its hard to explain.

this past weekend was full of much fun. thankfully this week is going by very very fast. this upcomming weekend i'm looking forward to. jordan and chris are visiting. its been over a year since i've seen those guys...yay.

working at 4pm...ugh.

it would be nice if i could just cuddle up to someone...

..listen to them breathe...feel their pulse as i drift off






but tonight...she sleeps alone.

mmmm apple cider.

ok, so since everyone practically on my friends list has put in their two cents on this whole election day i supose, i'll go ahead and state the obvious....that bush can "suck a fuck" and i pray that kerry wins.

thats all i really want to say about that.

back to the more important stuff like tonight...lindsey and i were in my basement watching the tv when we heard my back door open, someone walk up the stairs, walk thru my house...and possibly out the front door. technically he still could be in my room...sitting on my bed....waiting to stab me with a dull pointy knife he grabbed from the kitchen.

ooo look!! m&ms!